Are we seeking an illusion? Is our goal to project some image? What really is the idea behind crossdressing and to what end do we journey? Are you satisfied with projecting an image of womaness? If you were hungry, would you be satisfied to merely look at an image of a banquet? Wouldn’t actually consuming the food do more to satisfy your hunger? It is much the same with crossdressing.

I have read stories from spouses of crossdressers which describe their mate getting all dolled up and then sitting down with a beer to watch a football game on television. There are also those who simply appear as a man in a dress. Their mannerisms, behavior and thoughts are the same as before their change of clothes. Admittedly, they are crossdressed, yet where is the woman within? Where is the kindness and gentleness that we so often associate with women? Where is the transformation that we speak of?

When one seeks to experience life, even temporarily, as a woman, it should not be simply an outward appearance. As I think about those sisters who seem most convincing to me in their femme persona, I find some common traits. These sisters, who actually appear to me as women, have a difference about them. First of all, they are extremely comfortable in both their homme and femme roles. Secondly, their inner selves are transformed long before their outward appearance changes.

To crossdress, by definition, is simply an outward activity. It alters only what one’s eyes see. Is a woman only an external projection or is she something much deeper? How can one transform both their inner and outer selves to reach this level of experiencing femininity? The answer, may seem somewhat paradoxical, yet, it is a secret as old as time itself. This secret applies not only to discovering the woman within, but also to discovering the man within.

When a crossdresser focuses on the outside, there is no time or energy left to change the inner self. The real key, or trick, to fully experiencing one´s woman within, is to simply let her emerge. All of us, as crossdressers believe that there exist a woman within us. If she is there, let her out.

If one tries to force someone to be something they are not, eventually, there is great disappointment and disaster. So it is with the woman within. If she does exist within you, she has a personality. Try to discover what it is she likes. Let her become who she is. Don´t try to force upon her an image that you see in some magazine or on the silver screen. Don´t force her into some imitation of someone else.

The true secret of discovering your woman within is to let her be. All of us wish to be free to express our femme selves, this is one of our primary goals. Yet, we often defeat ourselves. Whenever we try to become something which we are not, we lose what freedom we have. The moment we try to become our femme self, we cease to be her. The inner transformation, which is so vital, should be effortless, it should be as water emerging from a spring deep within the ground.

In understanding the woman within us, a spontaneous transformation begins. When we try to be what we think we should be, there is no change at all, only a continuation of the same person in different clothing. When one transforms their outward appearance convincingly, yet gives no effort to transforming their inner self, they become like a beautiful flower with no smell.

In letting our woman within emerge and become who she is, the outward transformation will follow. Only when we are transformed from the inside to the out will we be able to experience this mysterious woman within us.

I often quote a saying from the great teacher, Krishnamurti, it has helped me to understand my woman within as well as my male self. I hope that it will be of some value to you.