Dominant behavior

A dominant person enjoys controlling a submissive person. Reasons for this are said to include demonstrating skill and power, having ownership of another person, and being the object of affection and devotion. Domination may be the fashion in which the dominant feels most comfortable expressing and/or receiving affection. Service-oriented dominants would add that it is obviously useful to have the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal. In addition, many fantasies involve the reversal of traditional roles or constraints, so that men or women who traditionally have powerful roles in contemporary culture may wish to experience submissive roles, while others who normally are responsible for enforcing traditional morality, may wish to experience situations where such limitations do not exist.

Of course, other known possible motives remain to be considered, including pleasure taken not only in sheer power, but in the suffering of others, thrill seeking in risk taking, and self-destructiveness. That is why many in the BDSM community are concerned with establishing the motivations of those involved in an encounter and advise caution in making BDSM connections.

Some dominants and sadists say they are motivated by the desire to give masochists the pain and pleasure desired by them. Thus, the sadist is a pleasure giver and not one primarily seeking gratification from the suffering of others.

Submissive behavior

A submissive person is one who, of their own free will, seeks to submit to another.

It is vital to differentiate between submission and obedience, as there can be obedience without submission. There is a belief held by some practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle that obedience is itself submission, and yet this could not be further from the truth. Obedience is an outward action that may or may not stem from a desire to comply with another's wishes. True submission is not an action, but an attitude that is manifested in an action. The submission itself has already taken place in the heart and mind of the submissive before the outward compliance with the instruction. [sarah subbie "Submission" 2004 Pg.27]

Submission, by nature, is a twofold phenomenon that expresses itself through power. Submissives, no matter what walks of life they may come from, all share the desire to relinquish power to another individual. Their reasons are varied. Some may find the relinquishment of responsibility to another paradoxically liberating.

Yet the paradox between freedom and entrapment is also expressed through the power exchange between dominant and submissive. Though submitting, it is this very submission they desire. Though dominants push their submissives' boundaries, submissives have the power to end play when it progresses too far. This concept is embodied within the safe word.

Thus submissives have varied reasons for their actions, and their sexual role in the realm of BDSM often has no real correlation with who they are outside of play. Precisely who holds the power within the relationship is debatable. It is therefore arguable that despite outward appearances of dominance and submission, a D&S relationship has as much equality between partners as any vanilla relationship.

Some long-term submissives are in such relationships because it is comforting to know that they have someone that cares for them enough to train and improve them.

Tops and bottoms

In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the role of giver in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude. The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom, who is the person receiving for the duration of a scene. Although it is easy to assume that a top is dominant and a bottom is submissive, it is not necessarily so.

The top is sometimes the partner who is following instructions, i.e., he tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top. Contrast the service top with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him or her.

The same goes for bottoms and submissives. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them. It should be noted that the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions — the top typically tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. However, there is a purist school of BDSM, for whom such "topping from the bottom" is incompatible with the retention of high ethical standards in the relationships wherein BDSM is practised.

Within a sadomasochistic context, submissive is only roughly synonymous with bottom. Others opine that a "submissive" is specifically pursuing a dominant/submissive power-exchange as a key element, whereas a "bottom" may or may not be interested (or even willing) to engage in that exchange. For the latter, some have proposed the "pitcher" and "catcher" (borrowed from baseball terminology) as more neutral terminology, with the "pitcher" delivering the sensation, the instruction, etc; and the "catcher" receiving what is "pitched."

These are in contrast to the term slave, which is a situation where the "submissive" in a Master/slave or Total Power Exchange relationship gives up all control to their "dominant" not just for a "scene" but for a "24/7" continuing relationship.' The M/s dynamic is often considered the most extreme form of BDSM relationship. In this relationship, the slave has given Master complete authority over him/herself in exchange for Master being responsible for the slave's emotional, mental, financial, and social wellbeing.

Switching

Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching — playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A switch may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realize his or her unsatisfied BDSM desires with others. Some individuals may switch, but may not identify as a switch because they do so infrequently or only under certain circumstances. Sometimes individuals switch in just physical roles (top and bottom), and sometimes individuals may switch completely in emotional roles (dominant and submissive) as well. Some switches only switch from relationship to relationship and will stay in that role for the duration of the relationship.

Safety

Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if appropriate precautions are not taken. In particular, it is sometimes the practice that the submissive will complain of suffering or beg the dominant to stop, and that this will be ignored by the dominant. Therefore, one aspect to ensure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort (physical or mental) for the submissive, a safeword can be uttered to warn the dominant of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.

Sometimes BDSM may involve a 'simulation' or 'role play' of rape or other non-consensual acts. A dominant and a submissive may choose to pretend that the submissive is being raped or otherwise forced to do something unwillingly. Therefore, words like "No!" or "Stop!" are inappropriate as safewords, because a submissive playing the role of a victim would say these words as part of the scenario. The ideal safeword is a word or brief phrase (such as "red light") that normally would not be spoken during a sadomasochistic act, and which therefore calls attention to itself by its own incongruity.

Some people in BDSM use multiple levels of safewords. For example, the safeword "green" to increase the intensity/pressure/force, "yellow" would be employed to indicate "You are approaching an intensity (or an activity) that I don't wish to experience; please do not continue this scene further in this direction, or do not increase the intensity", while the safeword "red" would mean "Stop this and release me now." The stoplight safeword mechanism is the most common one found in the BDSM community, and as such is universally recognized, causing less potential confusion than some random safeword might.

In situations where the submissive's mouth is gagged, or the submissive is otherwise incapable of speaking without violating the fetish scenario, a non-verbal signal is used instead of a safeword. Typically this might be the clenching and unclenching of one or both fists, the dropping a bell or ball, snapping of the fingers, or uttering three loud grunts in quick succession.

It is possible that a dominant may ignore a safe word. A dominant who acquires a reputation for ignoring safewords will experience increasing difficulty finding BDSM partners. Some partners may not use a safeword, as the submissive may have full faith that the dominant can be totally trusted. This concept is debated regularly amongst people in the BDSM lifestyle and observers will find a variety of opinions. Within this sub-culture and community in a lifestyle based on trust, a person who is not known, or not trusted, does not easily find partners.

Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. It is wise to invest in first aid training for all involved parties. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or blood borne viruses.

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